Alright. So I want to first get this out in the open. I've never seen TMNT. Not a single TV episode, comic, movie, or any of that. When I was a kid, Thomas the Tank Engine was all the rage, and if I ever heard of those remarkable turtles, they were from fans who usually didn't talk to me. We were of separate worlds they and I.
The only contact as a kid that I recall was two things;
One, the ice cream. When I was a wee little tot I used to dwell on 5220 Fenn Road. I don't know who lives there now, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't egg their house, because frankly, I'm really just too busy to write apology letters. In my preschool and kindergarten years I remember the days when the ice cream truck came around, and there it was, the frozen green head of a TMNT, waiting to have my tongue lick up all its dyed unhealthy ice. I remember getting one once, I don't remember the mask color, (purple?), but it's eyes were most definitely grape flavored.
The second thing I remember about the legacy of those damned turtles was the theme song on Saturday mornings. Or maybe it was Wednesday afternoons. Among all the vague theme songs to shows I never saw, (Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century, X-Men, Doug, any of the Power Rangers Spin-offs), I also recall a somewhat catchy tune from the 2003 version of the show. It went something along the lines of;
"One! Two! Three! Four! TURTLES! Mutant Chain Reaction... TURTLES! They Live Underground... TURTLES! They Like No Others! One! Two! Three! Four! TURTLES!"
I mean for a kid, I'm sure that was freaking amazing.
That's all I knew! That's all I'd ever bothered to know, until I learned various details about the series a few years back. Here's all I know from THAT.
There's an evil ninja named Shredder, real name Oroku Saki, leader of the villainous Foot Clan. They're some of the bad guys. The Turtles lived in the sewers and were trained by a sensei named Splinter. Their names are Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo, and Leonardo. The usual human protagonist is a reporter for Channel 6 news named April O'Neill, she's got some wise-cracking Cameraman, there's a secretary character at Channel 6, and they have a boss named Burne Thompson. Also, some guy named Casey Jones, who wears a mask.
There was a show in the 80's that was really popular, the 2003 version which I heard the theme song of as a kid, four movies in the 90's, a 2005 or 06 animated movie called "TMNT", and apparently some new series with Mae Whitman as April O' Neill.
That is literally everything I know about the franchise.
So we've got this new trailer out for a 2014 reboot by director Jonathan Liebesman, Produced by Michael Bay and starring Megan Fox as April O' Neill.......and I think it looks great.
I've been called many things, an optimist being one of them, "not a fan of the show" being another. But in the end, it really doesn't matter. Here are the raw facts; #1 it wasn't directed by Michael Bay. Might it look that way? Sure. But he doesn't make the trailers. An external company in charge of marketing makes these things to get an audience, and in the very least sense most people are now thinking about the movie. Buzz has been generated because of this trailer, which I must say is the most conversation I've ever heard regarding a trailer alone in a hell of a long time.
But to regroup, this movie isn't directed by Michael Bay, it's made by Jonathan Liebesman, and while he doesn't have a perfect track record, he did make Battle: L.A. (A brilliant film), and Darkness Falls, which is probably one of my favorite horror films. He hasn't yet gotten a true chance to prove himself, and I expect him to do what Marc Webb did with the Amazing Spider-Man, and give us a fresh take on these apparently beloved characters.
Secondly, It's only a trailer. Hell, it's only the FIRST trailer. There's so much more to come guys, don't you worry. To those who might say "It'll only make things worse!" I say that if you don't like the way it looks, don't see it. Ignore it, no big deal. Just don't go, and keep loving your turtles the way you've been loving them! And also, don't watch further trailers that'll only make you more angry about the situation.
Thirdly, and I think most importantly, it might be good! A different take never hurt anybody. I tried to think of a scenario, but all the movies that have ever disappointed me were never so drastically different from the norm that I didn't at least UNDERSTAND the direction. I may not have been a fan of Green Lantern for example, but I at least see what they were trying to do. Often times, fresh angles make movies incredibly unique, no I'm not talking about Transformers. I'm talking about the way found footage changed the horror genre, you know, before the technique became overused. I'm talking about Christopher Nolan's gritty Batman reboot. I'm talking about when people heard Michael Keaton would be playing Batman, they thought it was a joke, and then it turned out fantastic. We've been wrong before.
Granted, not everything has sold me on this movie yet. Generic military foot soldiers in black, the typical "Your father was involved in something shady" plot device, the turtles being freakishly huge...plus so far, no real reason as to how and why Ninja culture has anything to do with genetic experiments. Kind of random to someone unfamiliar with the TMNT world.
But I have faith. Faith in the idea of a fresh new director on the scene, faith in the incredible talent of William Fichtner. Faith in little attention to detail like April's famous yellow coat. I even think Megan Fox might be good, because apparently I'm the one person on Earth who thinks she can act. While she's need been Angelina Jolie good, she's most definitely light years above Kristen Stewart.
In fairness, I'm sure me not being a fan will mean my words will fall on the deaf ears of an enraged fan base, but I felt for my first post here in Silverland, I should address a pressing issue in the world of moviegoers. Bottom line; if it's not your cup of tea, don't see it, and stop badgering the point about how "terrible" you're "sure" it's going to be. We can't be sure of anything, after all, it's the internet. The World Wide Web of lies. You never know what's really going to happen next, and even if you think you do, the world has a funny way of pulling tricks.
I hope you all have a great day, and have a Spectacular Tomorrow!
Yours Truly,
Cole Silver
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